Dear Latte Ladies,Netflix’s ‘My Unorthodox Life’ is gripping audiences all over the globe. On the chance that you’ve viewed it, if you could sit with Julia Haart (the show’s glitzy matriarch who left haredism behind) over a cuppa, what would you say to her? Not sure what to think, Netanya
Tzippi Sha-ked:Julia! Are you sure Pamela didn’t script your show?!
Story: In our 20s, Danit and I had a crazy adventure on the east side of the Bosphorus, in Turkey. We signed up for a tour that ultimately turned into an evening of horror. In short, our small group was locked up inside a Turkish brothel with armed guards stationed to prevent our escape. We were forced to pay for the privilege of watching a Turkish mom’s near-naked daughters dance in front of us. We were told to keep throwing bills at them. (We later escaped through a window, running for our lives while being shot at – but that’s a different story). One salient memory from that terrifying night was the utter nachas and kvelling from this Turkish mom as her daughters performed raunchy dances.
Julia, it was a deja vu watching you kvell as your daughters strutted across Netflix, making out and exposing skin. In fact, the more skin they exposed, the prouder you appeared as you conflated their newfound freedom of expression with emancipation from Orthodox Jewish ‘fundamentalism’. Your gushing enthusiasm literally streamed out of your pores.
In your glamorous world, I wonder who is objectified more, the religious Jewish woman, or some of your half-naked models? In leaving Orthodox Judaism and tarnishing its culture on the big screen, you threw away baby and bathwater, commingled “advancement” of feminism with shock appeal. You sold out your people during a climate of Jew hatred – all for ratings! It’s painfully clear, dahlink!
Danit Shemesh:Julia, my late father would have loved you! Your conviction is identical to the one I grew up with. The difference is that yours came from a reactionary personal place. As an academic he was an anarchist who deeply believed in the 1970s hippie message of “Make love, not war.” He was the real deal. He proclaimed, “The world is your cafeteria; take what you want. Nothing should hold you back. Show off your body; it’s beautiful. Be sexually adventurous.” I most ardently wanted my father to be proud of me, so off I went to achieve just that. Other than developing a hyper-body awareness, the only thing I achieved was a bruised heart and lack of identity with my femininity or a healthy appropriate sexuality. I was so desensitized to my situation that when Tzippi (yes, we were friends even back then) suggested I was being objectified, I thought her ridiculous.
Your rhetoric is not new Julia. I am a survivor of it.
You really think that high heels, low-cut blouses and kissing on screen symbolize liberation? Is this the message that you spew out oh-so charismatically to your children: that indiscrimination equals freedom? Who is to define “fundamentalism?” You, who found a well-respected community too confining? Are we all to fit into your personal narrative, lest we are deemed primitive?
In your words Julia, I ‘gave myself permission to go after what I wanted.’ Yes, I fought and I redeemed my hijacked femininity via ‘orthodoxy.’ Now I cleave to Judaism, as do my children.
And, again in your words, ‘you’re going to have to just deal with it.’
Pam Peled:I never watch reality shows and I hated Netflix’s Unorthodox (the badly acted caricature of Shira Haas leaving her haredi life for glorious non-Jewish Berlin); I tuned in to Julia Haart’s “Welcome to My Life” series without major expectations. Surprisingly, I was seduced by the ultra-magnificent penthouse, glorious meals and diaphanous dresses, but pleasant as the viewing was it was hard for me to take the content seriously.
Deep Haart-to-Haart family discussions about sexuality and secrets – all in the presence of an (unseen) camera crew? Did a daughter really allow a film set into her new boyfriend’s bedroom, to capture their newfound intimacy? How can you be “late” to a meeting when a director is giving instructions? There is very little that is “real” about reality shows; staged “reality” is jarring to me.
Leaving all that aside, there are some obvious glaring inaccuracies - haredi women, I believe, are allowed to drive even in America and not all secular moms initiate their daughters into the pleasures of a vibrator - but overall I enjoyed this peep into the life of the uber-rich, who were once covered up in Monsey. It’s an astonishing success story, (or a terrible betrayal); I felt it’s quite an insightful window into both worlds. Little Aaron, for example, sticking to his Orthodoxy, is very sweet and convincing; the religious ex-husband is a doll.
Talking about husbands, I have one need-to-know question for the sexy Ms. Haart: why did she shlepp her ubiquitous vibrator to Paris for her romantic/ working week? Isn’t that what husbands are for?
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