What a recovering alcoholic can teach us about alcoholism

To the onlooker, family members or close friends, functional alcoholics do not look like they have an alcoholic problem. They may be perceived as someone who likes to drink, but not excessively.

By DR. MIKE GROPPER
BOTTLES OF an alcoholic drink are seen in a bomb shelter in Ashkelon in 2014 (photo credit: AMIR COHEN/REUTERS)
BOTTLES OF an alcoholic drink are seen in a bomb shelter in Ashkelon in 2014
(photo credit: AMIR COHEN/REUTERS)
Although Israel has a lower rate of drinking and alcoholism than most developed countries, the number of alcoholics continues to climb. According to the Health Ministry, there are 80,000 alcoholics in Israel.
In addition, the drinking culture has grown significantly, with many clubs and bars opening up all over Israel. At least one million Israelis consume harmful amounts of alcohol.
One of the problems is that there is a major disconnect between the increasing numbers of people and the ability to identify these individuals. The lack of awareness in the medical field is obvious, as 94% of those addicted to alcohol go undiagnosed and untreated, according to Dr. Rakefet Bacharach, a family physician for Clalit Health Services in charge of alcoholism treatment for the local association of family physicians (as reported in Haaretz, February 27, 2014).
With this in mind, I asked one of my clients, a recovering alcoholic, why he thinks that so many closet alcoholics go undetected by their families, colleagues and healthcare practitioners.
Sam is a 45-year-old man, sober now for 10 years, and was glad to share some of his experiences. He is married with three teenage children and works in hi-tech as a computer programmer. He credits his wife, Judith, for his decision to give up drinking.
For many years, Sam drank alcohol every day, and Judith had no idea that she was married to an alcoholic, until one day he got so drunk at a wedding that he had to be taken home by his wife and some friends.
One of Sam’s friends asked Judith if Sam had a drinking problem. After thinking it over and reading online, she decided to confront Sam. He admitted to her that he had been a functional alcoholic for many years. She told Sam that if he did not stop drinking, she would leave him. Sam chose to get help.
Sam has attended weekly Alcoholic Anonymous meetings ever since he decided to quit drinking, and benefited greatly from addiction-specific cognitive- behavioral therapy to help him overcome his addiction.
I asked Sam, “Why do so many alcoholics go undetected for so many years?”
Sam stated that he could best answer the question by talking about himself. He said that he had been lying to himself and others since he started drinking. He stated that alcoholics as well as all drug addicts are notorious liars, lying to themselves and everyone around them. “It’s called denial.”
He went on to describe his journey with alcohol. He started drinking as a teenager. At first, he smoked marijuana with some friends, but for some reason he took a liking to alcohol. It was irrelevant if he drank beer, wine, Scotch or vodka; he loved to drink. During the course of treatment, Sam said, he became aware that he had used alcohol to cope with all of his feelings, worries and stressors.
When he met his wife, he noted, she was very naïve about drugs and alcohol, never partaking of any of these substances herself.
Sam began to explain why he was able to go undetected by his wife, family members, co-workers and friends for so many years. He said that many people, including physicians, think of alcoholism as a compulsive drinking habit in which the individual drinks so much that he/she cannot walk a straight line, or has blackouts – that is, he/she forgets what happened during the drinking episode. Sam stated that many alcoholics do, in fact, fit this description. However, this is not usually the case with functional alcoholics like himself, who consume a moderate number of drinks on a daily basis, without ever appearing “smashed.”
He noted that he drank on a daily basis when he was working, studying or meeting friends or family. “It was my emotional coping device whenever I had to mingle with people, my wife included.” He added that most of the time he drank alcohol alone, something that experts say is the common mode of consuming alcohol for functional alcoholics.
To the onlooker, family members or close friends, functional alcoholics do not look like they have an alcoholic problem. They may be perceived as someone who likes to drink, but not excessively.
Sam said that he often started his day with some alcohol consumption, since he realized that this was the way of preventing withdrawal symptoms, mood swings and irritability. Looking back, he noted that Judith never attributed his moodiness to withdrawal from alcoholism. She believed it was just part of Sam’s personality to be moody.
He admitted that he is lucky that he never had a car accident and is still healthy. For Sam, it was Judith’s threat to leave the marriage that got him to agree to stop drinking.
He added some advice. “Don’t get started on any alcohol or drug abuse, but if you do, and can’t stop, seek help.” He also encourages spouses of alcoholics to get professional help or to go to Al- Anon (a self-help organization for the families and friends of alcoholics) if they suspect they are married to an alcoholic. Lastly, he hopes that doctors will ask patients about their drinking habits. It can save marriages and lives!
The writer is a marital, child and adult cognitive-behavioral psychotherapist with offices in Jerusalem and Ra’anana. www.facebook.com/drmikegropper, drmikegropper@gmail.com


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